Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
