I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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