If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
