and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
