I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
