So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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