Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
