At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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