At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
