There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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