Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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