haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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