dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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