I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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