That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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