Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
