Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
