from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
