Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
