Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
