Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
