I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I bet he comes in French.
Small penises have feelings too.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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