I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
