$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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