ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
