He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
