Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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