Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
