If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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