That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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