I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
