We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
