There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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