Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
