Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
