Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
