If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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