Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
