Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
