I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
