Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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