I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
