I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
