I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
