either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
