Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
