I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize