32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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