The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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