Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
