She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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