my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
