we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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