I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
