yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
