Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
