I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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