the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ugly people sure do ruin things
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize