Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
