i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
