this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
