You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
