Four minutes until I can fart!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
