Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
