I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
