I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
