You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
