how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize