It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
