she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
