Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
