Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
