That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize