come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
